Handy Tools for Working with Survivors

Victim: - A person who is hurt or killed, a person who is tricked or swindled
(The new Collins Concise English Dictionary 1996)

After many years of working alongside women who have found an enormous amount of strength within themselves to leave, or stand up to, the monster they hated -the monster that 90% of the time lived within the man they loved - I realised that every time I referred to these women as ‘victims' I was helping to reinforce the views and opinions they had of themselves.

Survive: - To live after the death or loss of another, to endure....
(The new Collins Concise English Dictionary 1996)

By changing the term I used to ‘survivor' I was able to boost their morale as well as continually lift their self esteem. The women drew strength from believing they were able to achieve something they had set their heart on. We developed/ adapted, along with other women survivors, a programme to support women to live again. The programme helped women understand what had happened to them and addressed the beliefs that what had happened to them was mainly their fault. It allowed women to ;

• Take control of their lives
• Recognise the beliefs held by abusive men
• Recognise the impact of their experiences on their attitudes and beliefs
• Empowered women to take control of their future
• Increased their ability to recognise what they needed to do to protect themselves and their children in the future

Following feedback from the women we realised they felt reassured to know they were not the only survivors. We did this not only through group programmes but used the following quiz.

Q1 In New Zealand a women is killed by her partner or ex-partner every
a) Week � b) 3 weeks � c) 5 weeks � d) 7 weeks �

Q2 It is estimated that
a) 3% � b) 13% � c) 23% � d) 33% �
of women experience domestic violence in their lifetime.

Q3 The percentage of Maori women who experience physical or sexual abuse from their partners in their life time is
a) 2% � b) 33% � c) 39 % � d) 78% �

Q4 Of all offences in the violence category Domestic Violence accounts for:-
a) 7% � b) 25% � c) 37% � d) 52% �

Q5 The demand for safety in refuges has risen in the last 5 years by
a) 100% � b) 65% � c) 59% � d) 38% �

Q6 31% of women using Refuge are aged
a) 17-25 � b) 26-35 � c) 36-45 � d) 45-69 �

Q7 When a women is pregnant the chances of being assaulted is
a) less likely � b) just as likely � c) more likely �

Q8 Domestic Violence happens because of:
a) drink � b) drugs � c) stress � d) mental illness � e) power & control � f) unemployment �

The Quiz answers.

Q1 A woman is killed by her partner or ex-partner every 5 weeks.
(The Taskforce for Action on Violence Within Families July 2007)

Q2 33% (Middlesex University Study 1993)

Q3 78% (The Taskforce for Action on Violence Within Families July 2007)

Q4 37% (The Taskforce for Action on Violence Within Families July 2007)

Q5 65% (The Taskforce for Action on Violence Within Families July 2007)

Q6 26-35 years. 29% are between 17 and 25 years.
(The Taskforce for Action on Violence Within Families July 2007)

Q7 More likely (Ress & Roth 1993)

Q8 Power and Control

The discussions around the answers allow the survivors the opportunity to see they are not alone and reinforces the enormity and bravery of the move they have made or are about to make.

Linda Clements is a trainer who has worked as part of the HMA team. For more information about how HMA can help you with your training needs contact info@hma.co.nz