9 things a trusted friend won’t tell you

I have been thinking recently about a dear friend of mine who died a while back. It was the anniversary of his death recently and at this time of the year I take time to really appreciate the type of friend he was and how lucky I was to have him in my life. He was a mentor to me. He encouraged me to be more than I could be, to strive for more out of life, and to keep the passion alive for things I do in my life. I realised that he taught me a lot about what it means to be a friend. He taught me the following nine things that a trusted friend won’t tell you.

1. You are always right, you know you are
2. The other person (often a partner) is always to blame
3. Life just treats you unfairly, life is unfair anyway
4. The other person deserved what they got
5. Your lifestyle is just fine
6. Alcohol, drugs and cigarettes won’t harm you
7. Live life on the edge and not worry about tomorrow
8. Don’t get too committed to relationships, they only end in pain
9. Don’t let people see your vulnerable side, they will take advantage of you

If this is what a trusted friend wont tell, what will they tell you? A trusted friend is someone who is prepared to have those tough conversations with us. Someone who is prepared to level with us regarding our good and bad behaviour. Someone that despite how we sometimes behave is willing to stand by us and nurture us in the direction of change, of doing what is right. Someone who is prepared to ‘agree to disagree’ with us while at the same time working hard to maintain our relationship. Someone who is prepared to be out in the cold for a while, knowing that if we are big enough we will invite them back into our lives and apologise for our behaviour. So a good friend would tell you.

1. You are always sometimes right, you just have to admit when you are wrong and stop being just stubborn
2. The other person (often a partner) is always sometimes to blame but have a real hard look at your own behaviour first before seeking blame in other places
3. Life just treats you unfairly as life treats you, at times it will feel unfair and other times you will feel blessed – ride the wave and look for both sides
4. The other person deserved what they got deserves to be treated with respect and dignity no matter the difference – hard to do but this is the heart of integrity
5. Your lifestyle is just fine requires constant readjustment as we move through life’s developmental stages
6. Alcohol, drug use and cigarettes won’t will harm you if they are not carefully managed. Know when to say ‘no’ over what to take and know when to say I have had enough
7. Live life on the edge to it’s fullest, take calculated risks and be aware of the impact of your risk taking upon those who care about you. Definitely not worry about tomorrow as it is certainly coming to a place near you soon
8. Don’t get too committed to relationships, they only ends in pain Understand your reluctance to commit and work with it, so that you can find connection, nurturance and love in your life
9. Don’t let trusted people see your vulnerable side, they will take advantage of you it will allow them to provide you with support at those tough times

So as you can see, a trusted friend is like having gold in the bank. You will be rich beyond your means as a friend will travel with you, look out for you, and be there for you when you need them. How are you at the art of  being a trusted friend. Love to hear your ideas.

Published on Tuesday, May 8th, 2012, under What Ken thinks

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